A New Adventure

For those of you who don't know much about me, I was a dancer for over 12 years. I have always kept myself busy, and until about 5 years ago a big part of my life was exercise. And then came what I like to call "the dark ages" of my life. It was a difficult time for me both physically and mentally. I injured myself multiple times starting with a car accident in which I broke a windshield with the back of my head. Long story short, I hurt myself a lot over the span of about four years and now I am left with a body that can predict the weather. Due to these injuries I was no longer able to exercise as much (or even at all for a while) and when you change your level of activity but not your diet, then your body doesn't react well. I am finally starting to feel healthy again and I really miss being able to work out, so I'm going to start!

First of all, for motivation I booked a cruise to the Bahamas next May with one of my best friends EVER. And I made a goal to lose at least 60 pounds by that time. Next, I got my parents involved. My mom is on a restricted diet anyway due to a surgery she had, and my dad agreed to go on the no flour no sugar diet with me. We take turns preparing healthy lunches to take to work and my mom has supported us by preparing dinner at least 3 times per week so that we aren't tempted to just grab whatever is easy. I always feel so much better when I'm this diet anyway, it's easy and straight forward. And I can adapt all of my favorite meals to fit this diet, so I'm not really missing out on anything. For example, tonight I am making grilled chicken Malibu, Caesar salad, grilled corn on the cob, and red mashed potatoes. No flour, no sugar, and a treat for my taste buds! I really want to succeed on this diet, so I have given myself a few little cheats. Each week I allow myself one candy bar and if I am REALLY craving bread then I can eat whole wheat. So far I have already lost a pant size. It's pretty exciting. I eat a lot of fruit, salads, and corn chips with salsa. Those are my staples. I am trying to make sure that my diet is balanced, and I get plenty of fiber. So far so good!

The main reason that I am blogging about this is for added motivation. If I announce to the world what I'm doing, then there's that added pressure. I know that people aren't totally preoccupied with me, but in my psychotic brain, you kind of are.

Oh, and one of my friends is also doing this diet. Woohoo! I have an eating out buddy who will understand my choices.

As for the exercise, I am starting Pilates this week. I hear it's killer, and I'm pretty sure that I am going to die the first couple of weeks. But the instructor at A Lotta Pilates was on the high school drill team with me, and she said that she will adjust the workouts for me so that I don't aggravate my arthritis. Pilates is supposed to be really good at rehabilitating injuries. Let's hope so! My brother's girlfriend is going to go with me. She was also on the high school drill team with me.

I am so grateful that I have such wonderful family and friends that support whatever I decide to do, and do all they can to help. I honestly don't think that I would be the person that I am today without them, and I hope that they know how much I love and appreciate them!

Wish me luck!

Can I Go Home Now?

I figured that it's about time that I blog again. And since I am currently working a grave shift, I thought it would be the perfect time. The only problem is I have NO idea what to blog about. I could blog about work and about how stupid my clients are and how they make my brain hurt with their questions and bitching and stuff... Or I could blog about how my "relationships" with men are incredibly confusing and full of drama that I don't like to take part in and how I don't have a clue how to start a serious or even potentially serious relationship... Or I could blog about how I am going on a cruise with one of the best friends ever next May... Or I could blog about how I have recently had a strange obsession with Twix candy bars... Or I could blog about how I had cortisone injected into my arthritic foot the other day and how good it feels now and the fact that you can still see the needle mark on the top of my foot and how I can go up on my tip toes without it hurting for the first time in three years... Or I could blog about how I can't wait until Lost, Grey's Anatomy, and Private Practice begin again so that I can see the resolution of the CRAZY cliff hangers from last season's finales... Or I could blog about randomness and how much I want to eat one of the pretzels that is currently sitting on the desk... staring at me with those salty eyes... But... which one to do? Shall I go in a list? Shall I just blog away about nothing as I seem to be doing right now? I feel like my blog should have a purpose other than just random nothings... But I DID label my blog "Ramblings of an Insomniac"... So I suppose the random rambling nothings that I post are quite appropriate for the name of the blog. I just hope that you all don't get too bored listening to my nothings. And I hope that they make sense at least sometimes. And if they don't, just stay up seven hours past your bedtime, and they will. Trust me.

So... although I am no longer working the grave shift or generally staying up past 11pm, I still struggle from insomnia. It sucks. By definition, insomnia is "difficulty initiating or maintaining sleep, or both" and it may be due to inadequate quality or quantity of sleep. If you wanna read more about it you can check it out here. I have struggled with insomnia for years, it's a common side affect of ADHD, which I was diagnosed with in the fifth grade. I was on Adderall for years to control this condition, but the medication did not help with the sleep disorder. I have been offered sleeping pills many times, but have declined due to the addictive nature of sleeping pills. I have an addictive personality already, and I don't need any help getting hooked on things.

My sister and I frequently have sleep overs... or rather, she wakes up at 3am due to the fact that she also suffers from insomnia (poor kid is only 8) and she sneaks down to my room and climbs in bed with me. She always makes fun of me in the morning because apparently I talk in my sleep. I never say intelligible things, it's always just noises. She says I giggle every night. Sometimes I groan. I'm pretty sure that I've never done this before or choice people would have told me about it. Interesting... I wonder why I would start now. The technical term for sleep talking is Somniloquy. This link also contains links to another sleep disorder that I experience 1-2 times per year, night terrors. I'm glad that Hallie has not been present during any of these times. I frequently wake up with bruises all over my body and blood on my pillow from an unknown source. I would hate to find out that I flail when I have night terrors by hitting my sister while I sleep. That would be heartbreaking.

Anyway... I think that I am done blogging for now.

Until next time, I must big you adieu...

There Is No Charge For Awesomeness.

Norte being the good friend that he is, introduced me to some awesomeness. Through him I have found some of the greatest web comics ever. Such as Questionable Content I love this comic. I can relate a lot to Faye, who is a total commitment-phobic-mental-case-yet-lovable-caring person. I can also relate to Hanners... Who is a little bit psychotic/OCD. Yup. Pretty much me. And through this web comic I stumbled upon Girls With Slingshots which is another awesome comic featuring a talking cactus with an accent. I need to get me one of those.

But the REAL awesomeness is one that he just recently introduced me to. HOLY CRAP IT'S HILARIOUS! I am sitting here in my room trying not to laugh so loud that I wake my brother who is sleeping in the next room. So here it is... OMG! If you are not a nerd, then you may not get some of the jokes. But no matter what, it's a jolly good time. There is another comic on the same site they call "Sillies" it's also worth reading.

I know that there was something else that I was going to include in this post. But by golly I'm tired. And I'm tired of typing. Bye.

Security Breach

There was a security breach in my bedroom the other day. I was sitting at my computer working on the slideshow of my Hallie for her baptism and I hear a buzzing over at my window. I look over... and I see a bumble bee wrestle it's way through my blinds and into my room. This experience among other recent happenings has brought me to realize that I have developed a fear of insects and spiders and other various bugs. Never used to be afraid of them. But now the sight of one incites panic in my heart. I still try to pretend that it doesn't. But holy hell I wanted to run screaming out of my apartment! I was too scared to even kill the thing. I immediately stopped what I was doing and left. Silly me. But the bee was gone when I got home!

BTW: This is what it looked like... It was HUGE! About as long as an Oreo, and FAT. Blech...

Free Hugs!

Hopeless romanticism has taken over my brain lately. It tends to happen when I watch chick flicks. It's a horrible condition that I try to squelch quickly, but sometimes I allow myself a few days of wishing that my soul mate will show up and sweep me off of my feet. My daydreams always involve some kind of terrible break up after which we realize that we are madly in love with each other and we make up and everything is just dandy from there on out... And then I come back to reality and I see that this is real life... and the guy who keeps popping up in my fantasies is not going to realize that he only wants to be with me for the rest of his life and that even if he did... I really wouldn't want him to. And I realize that I am not in love with him, never have been, I'm just in love with the idea.
I know that this may seem like a negative post, but it really isn't. I'm finally starting to work on my severe commitment issues and being able to identify what I really want. I still have a LOT of therapy before I resemble a functional human being, but it's nice to be able to say that I am making progress. And it's nice to be able to visualize a future that includes trusting someone and actually letting my guard down enough to let myself love someone romantically.
Part of my commitment to change is to let people know how much I care about them. One way I will show them is to give more hugs. So if you see me... and you want a hug... um... ask me for one... I promise to try and not act super freaked out. And eventually, who knows, I may start to enjoy the hugs!