Bucket List

Life should not be taken for granted... I was lucky to learn this early on in life. I would prefer to have learned this lesson an easier way than I did, but I truly believe there is a reason for everything and I plan to make the most of it. Since my last eye opening experience regarding how fragile our existence is, I have been making a bucket list, and trying to accomplish them all early in life.

• Ride A Horse
• Go Bungee Jumping
• Sky Dive
• Go Fishing
• Go Cliff Jumping
• Four Wheeling
• Snow-Mobiling
• Go to an Opera
• Visit New York
• Visit relatives in Denmark
• Drive a boat
• Visit as many countries as possible
• Start my own business
• Become a mother (whether through adoption or naturally)
• Make a difference in someones life
• Publish a book
• Find my soul mate

This is really all that I can think of right a this moment. But I plan to add to this as I think of other things. You never know when your time will be over, so I plan to check things off of this list at my earliest possible convenience. And I hope that you all will appreciate the life that you have and begin listening to your heart as well as your head.

+1s and then some.

It's hard to be single around the holidays. I would much rather be single on Valentine's Day. On V-Day, it doesn't really matter if you have no one to share it with. It's an incredibly commercial-ized, ridiculous holiday that I think some needy woman came up with to try and make her man be romantic. Anyway, as I was saying. It's worse than usual this year, I have multiple weddings dinners and parties that I have been invited to. And they all ask if I have a +1... So, since I don't have a man that I have wrapped around my finger and thus they are required to go, I really have to think about the question. Who will be at the party? How many will be single? Are the couples who will be there the awkward type? Should I ask someone to be my +1? If I ask someone, do I ask just a friend? Or do I ask someone that I am interested in? If I just ask a guy friend, will he think that it means more?


I know that seems like a lot of questions, some unnecessary, but I sadly have unknowingly led men on in the past. I don't know what it is, but some men tend to misinterpret my friendliness as interest. And in one situation, I chose to ignore the signs of him falling for me, because I was being selfish and wanted attention. But that's a whole different blog post... maybe.

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I know that this photo has nothing to do with this blog post... But I was looking for the perfect picture to accompany my word vomit, and I stumbled upon this beauty. What better to catch word vomit that an eco-potty?







I don't think that anything could possibly top an eco-potty in this blog post, so I will bid you adieu.

Happy traaaaaiiiiilllllls to yoooooooouuuuuuuuuuu, until we meet again...

Six Things I Want To Smack With A Tree

I was in SLC with two of my FAVORITE gals ever, Alicia and Heather. And we decided to grab some pizza at The Pie. First of all, we are a strange bunch. We decided on a half and half pizza to suit all of our many tastes... what were the two halves you ask? Xtreme Veggie and Mountain of Meat. We quite enjoyed ordering that one. And it was DELICIOUS! Anywho... while waiting for our pizza to cook, I began to read one of the periodicals that was sitting in the waiting area. One of the articles has inspired me. It was regarding the author's top ten people and things she wants to punch in the face. My favorite on her list : West Virginia. No explanation necessary. So anyway, I frequently want to punch things in the face. Well... I usually say I want to smack them with a tree... but it's close enough right? So here is my list.

November - I know that I am supposed to be thankful during November because of the pilgrims and crap, but I HATE November. Too much togetherness and family stuff... Chontel + Busy + Family = FREAK OUT!

Juvenile Sex Offenders - Not only have they committed heinous crimes, they act like WE owe THEM something... "Woe is me, life is so hard, this place sucks, these rules are ridiculous..." STFU! The RIDICULOUS thing is that you were a sex offender before the age of 15.

Close Minded People - Living in a small-ish dominantly Mormon community exposes me to many different types of zealots. They all should be smacked with a tree. Why can't you just live and let live. There is a difference between sharing your beliefs with others, and stomping all over someone elses beliefs because you don't agree.

Tom Cruise - He is the definition of Napolean Complex. I have actually enjoyed some of the movies that I have seen of his, he's a pretty good actor... But OMG I can't stand the guy. I can count the number of his movies that I've watched on one hand. And I don't plan to increase that number.

Welfare Abusers - I am all for assistance for the needy, but I am SO against assistance for the lazy and manipulative. My mother told me the story of someone who worked on her car in an emergency... He actually told her that he was just waiting for his friends unemployment to run out, then it's his turn to work while this guy stays at home. Seriously??? Stop being a lazy ass, and earn your keep! Another thing that bugs me.... I really think that in order to get welfare you should have to pass a drug test. I have to be able to pass one in order to work, so YOU should have to pass one in order to get welfare. I think it's only fair. Why is this NOT a current practice?

Sickness - My body likes to screw with me. True, I have been getting more healthy as I get older... But I still get these ridiculous illnesses that last what seems like forever. Case in point: Early October I was stricken with an excruciatingly painful kidney infection complete with a cyst the size of a golf ball in my ovary. Ouch. And then just last week, I thought that I had Bronchitis... nope. It was Swine Flu. Which wasn't so bad as long as I didn't walk at all and didn't try to talk. My family wouldn't even really speak to me. They would make me food and then leave it on the floor in front of my bedroom door. So you see... these are merely the sicknesses that I have experienced in the last month. Sickness DEFINITELY deserves to be smacked with a tree.

There was originally going to be a list of ten things that I want to smack with a tree. But it was taking too long. I don't like thinking about things I dislike. I was going to format the text more too, but I didn't feel like it. Haha.. Blog'd. 

All The World's A Stage Part 2

It's been almost a year since I began this blog, and I've decided to do an update of the cast each year in recognition of the yearly milestones. People may change, or they may stay the same. But either way, I'm sure that I can think of more wonderful things to say about the people who make my life worth while.

Hallie Jo

Of course, topping the list would be my Hallie. She's my sunshine on a cloudy day. I recently moved back into my parents basement and have had a lot of fun bonding with her, and watching her grow. Most of the time I don't even mind waking up and seeing Hallie's jumble of hair peeking out from the sheets next to me.

Heather

One of the best friends that I could ever ask for. She understands my work stressors because she once worked the exact same position that I do. She understands my personal trials because we've experienced similar things. She recently moved to Salt Lake and I am so happy that she finally made the move! I see her more now than I did when she lived only ten minutes away. And we recently booked a cruise to the Bahamas! I can't wait!

The BCC

A few months ago, half of the BCC got married. It was a beautiful ceremony and I was thrilled to be able to share that special day with them. If not for the BCC, they likely would not have discovered their love for each other. And I am glad that I was able to take part in finding one couples Happily Ever After. Jenna and I continue to grow closer together as friends. We are both making some changes in our lives and it's great to be able to support each other in our journey.

Norte & Catherine

There have been a lot of marriages in my friend pool over the last year. I'm happy to say that I played a small part in the getting together of this couple. Thank you big mouth of mine. They are absolutely perfect for each other and such an adorable couple. Sometimes disgustingly adorable. I am grateful that he was able to find such a great woman to love. And I'm grateful that she has accepted me into her friend group.

Sarah

Oh Sarah. How much you mean to me. She has been an inspiration to me this last year, and has played a large part in the changes I have made. She is incredibly compassionate and underestimates the impression that she makes on other people. She is my hetero-soul-mate, and I will love her forever and always.

Jay-Cup

There aren't even words to describe our relationship. Probably because it's kind of strange. You make me laugh, and are willing to put up with my psychosis. It's amazing how much you have changed since the McDonald's days. And no, Jay-Cup, I will NOT marry you. Thanks for not asking.

Mi Familia

Through thick and thin my family remains an important part of my life. No matter what happens, somehow we have been able to get through it together and come out on top. I am truly blessed to have such a supportive family. And it's comforting to know that no matter what happens, they will be there.

A New Adventure

For those of you who don't know much about me, I was a dancer for over 12 years. I have always kept myself busy, and until about 5 years ago a big part of my life was exercise. And then came what I like to call "the dark ages" of my life. It was a difficult time for me both physically and mentally. I injured myself multiple times starting with a car accident in which I broke a windshield with the back of my head. Long story short, I hurt myself a lot over the span of about four years and now I am left with a body that can predict the weather. Due to these injuries I was no longer able to exercise as much (or even at all for a while) and when you change your level of activity but not your diet, then your body doesn't react well. I am finally starting to feel healthy again and I really miss being able to work out, so I'm going to start!

First of all, for motivation I booked a cruise to the Bahamas next May with one of my best friends EVER. And I made a goal to lose at least 60 pounds by that time. Next, I got my parents involved. My mom is on a restricted diet anyway due to a surgery she had, and my dad agreed to go on the no flour no sugar diet with me. We take turns preparing healthy lunches to take to work and my mom has supported us by preparing dinner at least 3 times per week so that we aren't tempted to just grab whatever is easy. I always feel so much better when I'm this diet anyway, it's easy and straight forward. And I can adapt all of my favorite meals to fit this diet, so I'm not really missing out on anything. For example, tonight I am making grilled chicken Malibu, Caesar salad, grilled corn on the cob, and red mashed potatoes. No flour, no sugar, and a treat for my taste buds! I really want to succeed on this diet, so I have given myself a few little cheats. Each week I allow myself one candy bar and if I am REALLY craving bread then I can eat whole wheat. So far I have already lost a pant size. It's pretty exciting. I eat a lot of fruit, salads, and corn chips with salsa. Those are my staples. I am trying to make sure that my diet is balanced, and I get plenty of fiber. So far so good!

The main reason that I am blogging about this is for added motivation. If I announce to the world what I'm doing, then there's that added pressure. I know that people aren't totally preoccupied with me, but in my psychotic brain, you kind of are.

Oh, and one of my friends is also doing this diet. Woohoo! I have an eating out buddy who will understand my choices.

As for the exercise, I am starting Pilates this week. I hear it's killer, and I'm pretty sure that I am going to die the first couple of weeks. But the instructor at A Lotta Pilates was on the high school drill team with me, and she said that she will adjust the workouts for me so that I don't aggravate my arthritis. Pilates is supposed to be really good at rehabilitating injuries. Let's hope so! My brother's girlfriend is going to go with me. She was also on the high school drill team with me.

I am so grateful that I have such wonderful family and friends that support whatever I decide to do, and do all they can to help. I honestly don't think that I would be the person that I am today without them, and I hope that they know how much I love and appreciate them!

Wish me luck!

Can I Go Home Now?

I figured that it's about time that I blog again. And since I am currently working a grave shift, I thought it would be the perfect time. The only problem is I have NO idea what to blog about. I could blog about work and about how stupid my clients are and how they make my brain hurt with their questions and bitching and stuff... Or I could blog about how my "relationships" with men are incredibly confusing and full of drama that I don't like to take part in and how I don't have a clue how to start a serious or even potentially serious relationship... Or I could blog about how I am going on a cruise with one of the best friends ever next May... Or I could blog about how I have recently had a strange obsession with Twix candy bars... Or I could blog about how I had cortisone injected into my arthritic foot the other day and how good it feels now and the fact that you can still see the needle mark on the top of my foot and how I can go up on my tip toes without it hurting for the first time in three years... Or I could blog about how I can't wait until Lost, Grey's Anatomy, and Private Practice begin again so that I can see the resolution of the CRAZY cliff hangers from last season's finales... Or I could blog about randomness and how much I want to eat one of the pretzels that is currently sitting on the desk... staring at me with those salty eyes... But... which one to do? Shall I go in a list? Shall I just blog away about nothing as I seem to be doing right now? I feel like my blog should have a purpose other than just random nothings... But I DID label my blog "Ramblings of an Insomniac"... So I suppose the random rambling nothings that I post are quite appropriate for the name of the blog. I just hope that you all don't get too bored listening to my nothings. And I hope that they make sense at least sometimes. And if they don't, just stay up seven hours past your bedtime, and they will. Trust me.

So... although I am no longer working the grave shift or generally staying up past 11pm, I still struggle from insomnia. It sucks. By definition, insomnia is "difficulty initiating or maintaining sleep, or both" and it may be due to inadequate quality or quantity of sleep. If you wanna read more about it you can check it out here. I have struggled with insomnia for years, it's a common side affect of ADHD, which I was diagnosed with in the fifth grade. I was on Adderall for years to control this condition, but the medication did not help with the sleep disorder. I have been offered sleeping pills many times, but have declined due to the addictive nature of sleeping pills. I have an addictive personality already, and I don't need any help getting hooked on things.

My sister and I frequently have sleep overs... or rather, she wakes up at 3am due to the fact that she also suffers from insomnia (poor kid is only 8) and she sneaks down to my room and climbs in bed with me. She always makes fun of me in the morning because apparently I talk in my sleep. I never say intelligible things, it's always just noises. She says I giggle every night. Sometimes I groan. I'm pretty sure that I've never done this before or choice people would have told me about it. Interesting... I wonder why I would start now. The technical term for sleep talking is Somniloquy. This link also contains links to another sleep disorder that I experience 1-2 times per year, night terrors. I'm glad that Hallie has not been present during any of these times. I frequently wake up with bruises all over my body and blood on my pillow from an unknown source. I would hate to find out that I flail when I have night terrors by hitting my sister while I sleep. That would be heartbreaking.

Anyway... I think that I am done blogging for now.

Until next time, I must big you adieu...

There Is No Charge For Awesomeness.

Norte being the good friend that he is, introduced me to some awesomeness. Through him I have found some of the greatest web comics ever. Such as Questionable Content I love this comic. I can relate a lot to Faye, who is a total commitment-phobic-mental-case-yet-lovable-caring person. I can also relate to Hanners... Who is a little bit psychotic/OCD. Yup. Pretty much me. And through this web comic I stumbled upon Girls With Slingshots which is another awesome comic featuring a talking cactus with an accent. I need to get me one of those.

But the REAL awesomeness is one that he just recently introduced me to. HOLY CRAP IT'S HILARIOUS! I am sitting here in my room trying not to laugh so loud that I wake my brother who is sleeping in the next room. So here it is... OMG! If you are not a nerd, then you may not get some of the jokes. But no matter what, it's a jolly good time. There is another comic on the same site they call "Sillies" it's also worth reading.

I know that there was something else that I was going to include in this post. But by golly I'm tired. And I'm tired of typing. Bye.

Security Breach

There was a security breach in my bedroom the other day. I was sitting at my computer working on the slideshow of my Hallie for her baptism and I hear a buzzing over at my window. I look over... and I see a bumble bee wrestle it's way through my blinds and into my room. This experience among other recent happenings has brought me to realize that I have developed a fear of insects and spiders and other various bugs. Never used to be afraid of them. But now the sight of one incites panic in my heart. I still try to pretend that it doesn't. But holy hell I wanted to run screaming out of my apartment! I was too scared to even kill the thing. I immediately stopped what I was doing and left. Silly me. But the bee was gone when I got home!

BTW: This is what it looked like... It was HUGE! About as long as an Oreo, and FAT. Blech...

Free Hugs!

Hopeless romanticism has taken over my brain lately. It tends to happen when I watch chick flicks. It's a horrible condition that I try to squelch quickly, but sometimes I allow myself a few days of wishing that my soul mate will show up and sweep me off of my feet. My daydreams always involve some kind of terrible break up after which we realize that we are madly in love with each other and we make up and everything is just dandy from there on out... And then I come back to reality and I see that this is real life... and the guy who keeps popping up in my fantasies is not going to realize that he only wants to be with me for the rest of his life and that even if he did... I really wouldn't want him to. And I realize that I am not in love with him, never have been, I'm just in love with the idea.
I know that this may seem like a negative post, but it really isn't. I'm finally starting to work on my severe commitment issues and being able to identify what I really want. I still have a LOT of therapy before I resemble a functional human being, but it's nice to be able to say that I am making progress. And it's nice to be able to visualize a future that includes trusting someone and actually letting my guard down enough to let myself love someone romantically.
Part of my commitment to change is to let people know how much I care about them. One way I will show them is to give more hugs. So if you see me... and you want a hug... um... ask me for one... I promise to try and not act super freaked out. And eventually, who knows, I may start to enjoy the hugs!

Are You Afraid Of...

The definition of phobia is a persistent, abnormal, and irrational fear of a specific thing or situation that compels one to avoid it despite the awareness and reassurance that it is not dangerous. Generally they are caused by an experience had at some point in ones life that has, in result, given that thing or situation a negative connotation. Sadly… I am someone who suffers from many phobias, but it sure does make life interesting! Following are some of my more prominent phobias.

Achluophobia aka nyctohylophobia, scotophobia, or lygophobia

Fear of the dark... This is actually considered a phase of child development and is heightened by imagination. In most cases, you grow out of your fear of the dark. Not me. I had a night light through high school, used a lamp through my first few years of college, and occasionally leave the hall light on. If you turn the light off, I either need to be drunk, or already have my eyes closed. I think my imagination is a little overactive… I imagine all sorts of terrifying creatures and things in the dark… Darkness also reminds me of a feeling… one that threatens to drag me down into the depths of despair. If there are other people there with me in the dark it’s not so bad. Then my chances of being drug down to hell by a creature of the night are significantly lessened. Because I have my flashlight, so while YOU are being abducted, I’M turning on my light and avoiding eternal damnation. Sorry guys, it’s your soul or mine.

Agoraphobia

This is the fear of open spaces or of being in crowded, public places like markets; also fear of leaving a safe place. The worst place for me is the Spectrum up at USU. It doesn't matter whether there are a couple of hundred or a couple thousand people there, I can't handle it. I went to a USU Gymnastics meet a couple of years ago, and it did not go over well. I lasted about fifteen minutes before having a panic attack. It's quite embarrassing when you are sitting there watching a routine on the uneven bars and you start hyperventilating and bawling uncontrollably.This is a real bummer because I am unable to go and watch my sister's cheerleading team for fear of freaking out. And I say no to going to see awesome concerts if they are going to be in a venue any larger than a bar.

Amaxophobia

The fear of riding in a car. Being involved in so many accidents has kinda screwed with my head. It's gotten better as time goes on, but I HATE riding in a car. Driving doesn't bother me, it's being a passenger in a car that drives me insane. It goes back to my overactive imagination. Where you see a winding road... I see our bodies horribly mangled and burning in a pile of shapeless metal at the bottom of a ravine. Yes I actually picture this in my head as you are driving. I imagine all of the worst possible scenarios for each situation. I have learned some good techniques to help me cope with this phobia, because in this day and age you HAVE to ride in a car occasionally. So if you are ever driving me somewhere and I seem to be off in my own little world... I AM. Take your pick: Spacey Chontel... or Psychotic Chontel. While you may think the two things are synonymous, they are not.

I Hate Naming Blog Posts

I feel bad that I have left everyone high and dry lately. I don't mean to, I just have so much to do! But I enjoy blogging and I think I will do it more. Even if they aren't long and meaningful posts... Even if they make no sense at all... I would say that my New Years resolution is to write more on my blog. But It's March. A little late eh? Speaking of the month. WTH? It's March already??? This is just insane. This year is already almost 1/4 of the way done, and I still feels like January! Of course the snow isn't helping... It felt like Spring..I was so excited to wear tank tops and capris and flip flops and turn off the heat and turn up the air and drink smoothies while bird watching... (Yes I bird watch, no I don't know what they are).

On another tangent... Being a daywalker has made me feel more insane than ever. Not because I'm not getting sleep, I am. But because I will just be doing my thing and all of the sudden I feel James looking at me with his "uh... what are you doing?" expression. And then I have to explain why I am doing something the way I do it. And when you are forced to analyze the way you do things, you become incredibly aware of your quirks. And I have MANY quirks. And I am incredibly OCD. I think the reason I am just realizing it is because no one has ever said anything, so I don't realize that I'm doing it.

Since this is a random blog, I googled random and found this. It's a website dedicated to random number generating. You can also roll dice, get Keno and lottery numbers and flip a coin. You can even chose what type of coin to flip and the number of coins! I could have a lot of fun with that...

This is the picture I got when Google-ing random:

I like it. I love Google. Whenever I google something, I now click on the image option after finding the website or information that I need. No matter what you google there is some type of image. Yesterday I googled card catalogs and I found a comic blog about a vampiric cat who likes to draw.

I also like this blog. It is Jorge Garcia's blog. Don't know him? You should. He's a funny guy. And hilariously short and to the point.

I think that's all I would like to write about right now. Yeah. It is.

Until next time!

Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

I try to be an optimistic person. And I think, in general, I do a good job at this. But lately my faith in the human race is steadily dropping. There is so much hate, and jealousy and ridiculousness. And it makes me sad to see the way that people treat each other. I'm not talking about occasionally having a bad day at being a bitch to people. I'm talking about how tons of people go out of their way to plot and execute these elaborate schemes to screw over someone else. Life really isn't that bad, folks. I have heard horror stories, and I've experienced some things that I would never wish on anyone. I know how cruel life can be, but I also know how wonderful it can be. Why is it that some people take their crappy experiences and go on to be amazing individuals, and others turn into monsters? You can't change another person, all you can do is make yourself into the person that you want to be. When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. I know that is super cheesy, but all you can do is try. I don't WANT to lose my faith in humanity and my optimistic nature is helping in keeping a sliver of that faith alive. Well, that and the amazing people that I work with. It gives me hope to see people who want to make a difference in others lives. We only live once, and this life goes by too quickly. Why spend it consumed with evil? I am tired of vulgarity, and spite, and hate, and the like. This really is an evil world that we live in, and it is slowly wearing me down.

Everybody Loves, Everybody Fears, Everybody Hates

I've been trying to write the end of year memory blog, and it just wasn't happening. There was so much that happened last year that it's hard to decide what to include. So once again, I have stolen from thePatrick and El Norte. So here are my most memorable moments from 2008.



January - Goodbye parents house! Hello house full of random women...

February - "I'm a tree!", Birth of the BCC, The Creepy


March - "What? That's not the roof of the theater.", "Can I get dressed now?", Bodily Piercings


April - Child Abuse Awareness Month activities, Record number of run-ins with the police


May - PTSD FTW


June - Farewell Alicia :(, Therewhere, Thanks for screwing my friend


July - Mounting horses, GET SET GO!


August - Farewell Ally :(


September - Happy Birthday to ME!, The Reason They're Called Pigs


October - I Love Soup, Sarah is my hetero-soul mate


November - Grave's make me more insane than usual, Creepy Dramatic Men


December - Heroic Guitar Playing, Daywalker


Thank you to all of the wonderful people in my life who help me stay positive. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you guys! (Well I do, but I'd rather not think of it!) I am looking forward to a great year, and I hope that the people currently in my life will be there to share the ride!