The sun will come up... But not for long.

I try to be a positive person. I try really hard. People think that it's just me, I'm naturally perky. What they don't know is the internal battle I am constantly fighting in order to appear that way on the outside. I don't want to say that I've had a hard life, because overall, I am a very blessed person. But after saying that, I must say that I've had to deal with more trauma in the last 7 years than most people have to deal with in a lifetime. Much of it is my own fault. I got myself in some really bad situations and I have worked really, really hard to fix the wrongs that I have done, and to overcome the wrongs that have been done to me. I think that I have made amazing changes, and I am proud of myself for having the will power to change. The thing that I'm having a hard time with now, is that just when things seem to start going right, something happens. Always. I can have a good couple weeks, sometimes even a good month or two. But then without fail, I am put back in my place. It really feels like there is something out there that is trying to keep me from being truly happy. Maybe it's a lost memory that I need to deal with before I can get to that point or maybe it's just my fate to deal with all of the trauma that others aren't strong enough to handle. I don't know, but I need a break. I need just one thing to go right, and stay that way. At least for a little while. Is it too much to ask to have a small bit of peace? I know that I am strong person, but I can feel my strength slipping. And I'm not sure how much longer I will be able to keep holding on.

I'm sorry that this post is such a downer, but I really needed to vent for a moment.