Do You Think You'll Make The Cut?

I am a little bit behind in my Christmas shopping this year. Generally I start looking in June and have most of my shopping done by Thanksgiving. That way I can spread it out over multiple paychecks and avoid the possibility of running out of money before I buy groceries. But this year I have not even thought about it. I think I don't want to make the decision of who to buy gifts this year. I've always had a lot of acquaintances in previous years, but I always know which friends are close enough to buy them a thoughtful gift. But in the past year I have met so many awesome people and made a lot of good friends. So I don't know who to put on my list! If I had the money I would buy all of my friends a gift. But that would cost way too much. Then there is the awkward situation where someone buys you a gift and you ended up crossing them off yours.

So. How do you decide? Does anyone have any suggestions how to choose who gets a gift?

Contentment

Lately everything important has been going just how I want it to. I got the position I wanted at work, some medical tests I've gotten finally came back normal(after 6 years of issues), I have great friends, and my relationship with my family is strong. Life is good. I would even go so far as to say that it's great. And that right there scares the hell out of me. My life has never been great. Great things may happen sometimes, and my life has been good, but it's never great. I wish that I could just accept that my life is finally turning around and that all of the bad is behind me, but I can't. I'm sitting here in the middle of my great life, and I'm just waiting, trying to brace myself for it all to be ripped away. I know that a lot of the things that happened in the past are because of choices I've made. And I know that I have matured and learned and I won't make those same choices. But I still can't shake that thought in the corner of my mind telling me that the better things seem, the farther there is to fall. And, in my experience, it always falls. Maybe I'm just jaded and I need to learn to accept when things are good and not worry about what may happen. It's easier said than done. I will try my hardest to enjoy it while it lasts, and hopefully it lasts for a long long time.

Test Your Musical Knowledge.

I stole this from ThePatrick! It seemed fun. And I don't wanna write a new explanation for the game so I stole that from ThePatrick too. Teehee...

Here's the deal. I have put my iTunes on shuffle. I will write the first two lines of each of the first 25 songs, regardless of embarrassment level. I will check off each song as someone guesses correctly. Yes, it is considered cheating if you use a search engine. I may not know, but someone, somewhere will. Ready? GO!

Just a warning... I have a VERY random mix of music.


1 - These old feelings make you think. These old feelings make you drink.

2 - I want you to know that I'm happy for you. I wish nothing but the best for you both.

3 - I've been mistreated. I've been abused.

4 - To love somebody naturally. To love somebody faithfully.

X - Shalalalalalalalalalalala. Shalalalalalalalalalalala.
Brown Eyed Girl by Everclear

6 - I took the Polaroid down in my room. I'm pretty sure you have a new girlfriend.

7 - Music boxes have within, melodies they carry with them. Once they're open music fills the air.

X - I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad. I got sunshine, in a bag.
Clint Eastwood by Gorillaz

9 - Straight out of Boston. To reinvent the rock and roll.

10 - When the going starts to get rough, and you feel like you've had enough let the music take control of your soul.

X - Dear Prudence. Won't you come out to play.
Dear Prudence by The Beatles

12 - Outside of Von's Gabrielle and I crouched behind her dad`s Plymouth Duster sharing Ding Dongs

13 - Nothing else matters I've got nothing left to lose. I look to those that will always get me through

14 - If I was standing in the sea. Would you dive right in and save me?

15 - I can't breathe I can't get this out. Don't know and I can't explain.

X - Mend up your stocking hole. Cause this lump ain't made of cole.
I've Got A Boner For Christmas by Nerf Herder

X - In the middle of a gun fight... In the center of a restaurant...
You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison by My Chemical Romance

X - Every time I think that everything is gonna work out someone comes and kicks me in the balls. And every time it happens I get a bit desensitized and now my balls don't work at all.
Lift Me Up by Get Set Go

19 - We'll be fighting in the streets. With our children at our feet.

20 - Would you know my name? If I saw you in heaven.

21 - Don't make this fake. Last second of life.

X - You know you`re a cute little heartbreaker. Foxy
Foxy Lady by Jimi Hendrix

23 - All work and no play. That's the way it is ain't it?

24 - Yeah, what you critics said would never happen. We dedicate this album to anybody, people said couldn't make it.

25 - Ever ever after. Story book endings, fairy tales coming true.

Blerg.

Oh my goodness, I have not been this tired in a LONG time. I want to go to sleep right now. But, alas, I cannot. For I must watch sex offenders dream creepy dreams. At least none of them have said my name in their sleep lately. I am so lucky that I have wonderful coworkers that make my job worthwhile. I recently applied for a new position and got it, so soon I will be a day walker. And I will miss working with the people I work with now. Saturday's were always hilarious texting back and forth between staff making fun of one client's eyes or another clients never ending lunacy. It's like the new-fangled, high tech note passing that I so enjoyed during my teenage years. I think text messaging is genius. I can never understand what people are saying when I speak to them on the phone, so half of the time I just kind of let the convo happen and then hope that I didn't miss anything important... It's the times that I try to listen that I get in trouble though... because there is what I hear "He came over and pickled my shower" and what was actually said "I wonder if there's a band at the owl?" OK, so that was a bit of an exaggeration, but sometimes I seriously hear the strangest things... and when I ask for the person to repeat what they said over and over, they begin to get annoyed. I can't help it. I read lips. I'm not good enough to ONLY read lips, I need the sounds as well. But I've suffered so much head trauma that my hearing is muffled, and it is very difficult to decipher what people are saying without seeing the words form. I told a coworker this once, so he started talking to me with his hand over his mouth. I started ignoring him. Wow... I am REALLY rambling tonight. I don't even know where I was going with this paragraph when I first started it. I even tried to read through it again, but to no avail.

So I suppose that this is just going to be a random rant. Alrighty. I just lost my train of thought.

So November is a bad month for me. It's always a very busy, very dramatic, very diverse month and the memories make it difficult for me to remain the upbeat, chipper person that I try to be. I was thinking about it today, and I think part of the problem is that I see so many people from my past during the month of November. I treated a lot of people badly back in my "dark ages" and I hurt more people that I could have possibly imagined back then. In the past 4 years I have been attempting to make amends and apologize, and, where possible, reconcile lost friendships and I have made considerable progress. But then there are all of the people who were friends of the people that I hurt or just happen to hear about what I did or said and that is a little more difficult. It's the latter that I tend to run into around town and whenever I am on campus. I knew a lot of people, made quite a name for myself. I'm sure I'm catastrophizing and these people aren't so preoccupied with their disgust for me that they can't function, but to me it feels that way. No one is harder on you than yourself. And while most people wouldn't even recognize me, I know that if they did know who I was, they wouldn't think of the person I am now, rather they would think of the person I was. I don't blame them at all because I am the exact same way. I try not to be that way and to keep an open mind but sometimes I can't help it.

In conclusion, things just seem to be the worst in November. So, if I seem a bit off(more than usual) during the month of November, please just ignore it. I'll be better when November ends. I don't know why, it just happens that way. In the mean time, thank you friends for dealing with my psychosis and for not judging me according to who I was. You are all my heroes.

Everyone Needs A Charles...

First of all... I HATE the computer at work. It's the biggest piece of junk I've ever had to use. If I was a violent person I may have thrown it out the window or smashed it over either The Cubb's or Quasi-Frodo's head a long time ago. The more I work with them the more I am completely bewildered by their ridiculousness. I wish euthanasia was legal. But then again.. Euthanasia is generally painless, and I think that they should feel it. So let's bring back death by hanging. Sorry. I'm not generally like this. It's been a long week. And I just realized... It's only Monday!

And that was not at all what I was going to post this blog about... It was supposed to be a happy blog about the necessity of stuffed animals... or a human equivalent (ie a spouse) and my reasons for this belief. But everyone is entitled to a bad day now and again right? My day wasn't even that bad. I had a sleepover with My Hallie so I got to wake up and see the sunshine that is my sister. I went to the dentist and found that I only have one tiny cavity which will take twenty minutes to fill. I found out the filling will only cost me $23. I had brunch with my mamma and little (six-foot-tall) brother and joked around with them. I went to work and baked quiche and apple pie and joked around with coworkers while I worked on projects. I filled up my entire tank of gas for only $25. I successfully washed Charles Jefferson and made him cuddly again. I watched Ugly Betty. I ate Ziti with meatballs for dinner. It was a good day. But amidst all of this goodness... I didn't leave myself time to sleep before work. I got a three hour nap, which, considering I woke up at 6am, isn't enough to get me through a grave shift. So when I woke up to go to work, all of the goodness was gone. And now my stomach hurts, my head aches, my shoe isn't fitting right on my retarded arthritic foot, and my carpal tunnel is raging. Woe is me. At least I am almost done with grave shifts.

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So on to what this post was originally about...

Meet Charles Jefferson.

He is the first teddy bear that I have ever had. I did have a lamb once, but I used it as a pillow in "the dark ages" because I didn't have one. My cousin Shawn took me to Build-A-Bear for my 21st birthday which was when Charles was born. Which means he recently turned 2 years old. He's such a sweet bear, and is VERY good at cuddling. I have a hard time sleeping without him. Which is kind of childish, but I think everyone should have a Charles. Companionship is important, and for someone like me who is a chronically single woman who has problems with emotional intimacy, Charles is just what the doctor ordered. My mother was the same way until she met my dad. She had a hippo... once they were married, my dad made her get rid of it. Which is fine, because who wants to cuddle a ball of fluff when they have someone who can actually respond? Charles is very helpful too. I'm not much of a hugger, but when my friends are down, sometimes they need a hug. For example, one night Norte was having a bad day, and said he needed a hug. Of course I have Chadder Cheese Nips who is happy to hug him upon request, but I think he was more confused than comforted. So, Charles Jefferson & I went to visit Norte at work. Charles gave Norte a nice long squeeze, and Norte's spirits rose considerably. Another example... When I lived with Eryka, there would be nights that I wouldn't come home, or I would arrive home late. Eryka would cuddle Charles because she was nervous being home alone. But he made everything all better.

Everyone needs a Charles.